Finding My Forever Read online

  As they finished their meals and paid, Braxton and Zak planned out what they would do the next day; fishing, hiking, maybe come back to Maxie’s Place again for dinner. The ride back to the cabin had been quiet. Zak wasn’t sure if Brax was just tired, or if he had something on his mind, that something being Allie. Of course, he knew it was the latter and he planned on talking to him at their fishing spot. He knew this was hard for him, he knew his son needed to move on, but he also knew that Braxton would hold on to Allie for as long as he could.

  The morning sun shone through the windows sending golden beams of light across Braxton’s face. The smell of bacon had drifted down the hall and into his room and his stomach growled in response. He threw the blankets off of him, pulled on a t-shirt and followed the scents coming from the kitchen. Zak stood in front of the stove, spatula in hand, flipping pancakes on the griddle before him. He turned when he heard Braxton.

  “Breakfast is almost done. There’s a mug for your coffee in front of the pot. We’ll go hiking after we eat, then stop by our fishing hole afterwards.”

  Braxton only nodded in Zak’s direction, poured coffee into the mug and added creamer and sugar before taking it to the kitchen table. The two men ate in silence while Braxton waited for the coffee to completely wake him.

  Once full and caffeinated, the two cleaned the kitchen, packed up their hiking and fishing gear, and hit the road. They wound around the mountains until they made it to Rainbow Mountain Loop Trail in Madison. The hike was a mile and a half of beautiful scenery. The tall trees kept the trail well shaded and made for a more comfortable hike in the summer months. Rock formations protruded from the ground in various shapes and sizes, some making platforms for gazing across the vast mountain range, others stood tall, as a king looking over his kingdom.

  The warm, clean air cleared Braxton’s thoughts as he and Zak weaved their way through the trail. Thoughts of Allie were momentarily pushed to the back of his mind as he concentrated on the path in front of him. She was never far from his thoughts, but in this moment, he was free of the heartache he had felt watching her leave. Zak followed behind. The only sounds had been the crunching of leaves and sticks beneath their feet and the songs of the birds calling to their mates.

  At the bottom of the trail, Zak and Braxton exchanged their hiking gear for fishing gear and walked the short path to the lake. They found the spot they always come to and set out their chairs, baited their rods, and waited for that first bite.

  The silence didn’t last long before it was broken.

  “How are you holding up, son?”

  “I’m fine. Why?”

  “I know this is difficult for you. I know you love her, even if you don’t want to admit it openly.”

  Zak was always good at reading Braxton. He never missed anything that Braxton tried to sneak past him. Sometimes, Braxton was grateful for that; this though, this wasn’t really one of those times. He knew that he needed to talk about it, and that his dad was only trying to help him. It may do him some good to get it out, to unload this heaviness onto someone else.

  “I couldn’t make her stay. I didn’t want her to go. I’m afraid everything will change.”

  “Isn’t that what you wanted? Change?”

  “Yeah, but the change I wanted was to be able to call her mine. She doesn’t see me like that. I had no choice, but to keep it to myself. We’ve been over this.”

  “We have, and that’s a choice that only you can make. You’re going back to school Monday. I want you to go with a clear head. You need to be able to focus on your degree. This is the time to take for yourself. Be selfish for once. You can’t change the way things are, but you can make sure you’re the best you can be. Maybe have fun in the process.”

  Braxton pondered over his dad’s words. As hard as it would be, he knew that he had no other alternatives, but to do just that. Focus on making something of himself. Maybe one day, Allie would see him differently; if not, he would be what someone else needed and wanted. The only problem was that his heart was not on board with belonging to anyone other than Allie. If she wasn’t meant for him, then he was sure at some point in his life, preferably before he was old and gray, the one who was supposed to have his heart would show up. Even if he never got his whole heart back from Allie, he could at least hope for part of it back.

  By early Sunday evening, Braxton was packed and on the road heading back to the University of Alabama. He had plenty of time to think. Allie kept crossing his mind so he turned up the radio and tried to focus on the words of the songs that blared through the speakers. It only muted his thoughts slightly, but it was enough to let him concentrate on the upcoming week ahead. New classes he could throw himself into and his friends would be waiting. This would be the turning point for him, the time to take life by the reins and steer his path into the unknown. Hopefully, he would find a little bit of happiness without Allie.

  ∞ Chapter 3 ∞

  Classes had been back in session for almost three weeks and Braxton was getting into a routine. School. Study. Hang out with his friends, Bentley and Connor.

  Then he would check in with Allie before passing out from exhaustion. So far, Allie had been true to her word and they had talked every day. He was starting to feel more confident their friendship would survive the distance between them. She had settled nicely into her dorm and her classes. She seemed to be enjoying college life on the West Coast. Her roommate, Katrina, was from Philly, and had been very helpful in showing her the ropes. She had made some friends and had told him that she was indeed, spreading her wings.

  Braxton missed her, but he was happy for her.

  Braxton had just laid down in his bed, eyes heavy from a long day when he realized he hadn’t heard from Allie. It was later than it usually was when he went to bed, but he didn’t think much about it.

  I’m sure she gets busy, too.

  He picked up his cell phone from the nightstand beside his bed and sent Allie a text.

  Braxton: Hey, how was your day?

  It was a few minutes before his phone chirped at him to alert him to the incoming text.

  Allie: Long, good, text you tomorrow. Tired.

  Braxton: Talk then. Good night.

  His eyes closed while he waited for Allie to respond and was lost to sleep within minutes.

  When his alarm sounded the next morning, Braxton slowly climbed from his bed. He checked his phone, but there were no messages. No reply from Allie. He figured she was as tired as he had been and had fallen asleep, probably without even seeing his good night text. Brax took a shower. He stood under the hot water longer than necessary, then gathered his bag and laptop and went to the kitchen for some much needed caffeine. When he realized he was running late, he settled for a to-go cup and rushed out the door.

  The rest of the week had passed in much of the same fashion. Braxton’s classes were demanding and required him to study more than he had been used to. He was in the hardest part of his science classes, but his Bachelor of Science degree left him no option, but to take the courses. Every night he went to bed totally drained of all energy. Sometimes he had even forgotten to eat dinner. One thing he never failed to do was to text Allie. With all that he had going on in his life, her life still meant more to him. Allie didn’t respond every night, but she had assured Braxton that she was equally as busy and caught up in her classes. She was studying to be a Biomedical Engineer. It had required her to focus on school and left very little time for anything else. Braxton understood that all too well, so he thought nothing of it if they didn’t talk for a few days here and there.

  When the weekend had come, Braxton needed a break from the intense study sessions. His mind was overloaded and tired. Forming coherent thoughts had become a task he had to work hard to accomplish. When Bently and Connor asked him to come along for a weekend of hiking and camping, he readily agreed. He sent Allie a text letting her know that he would be out for the weekend, packed a bag, and met the guys out front at Bently’s truck.r />
  The sun was warm, but the breeze had kept it from being too hot. Braxton checked his phone every few minutes on the trail. It had been almost two hours since he had left that message with Allie and there was still no answer from her. That feeling you get when something is about to change churned in his gut. He wasn’t sure what it meant exactly, but he was sure it wasn’t something he was going to like. She’d never just ignored his text plain out like this before. He was hoping he was wrong, and that there wasn’t anything amiss.

  “Who’s the girl?”

  “I don’t think he’s even on the same planet with us. Earth to Braxton,” Connor yelled, waving his arms in Braxton’s face.

  “Huh?”

  “She must be someone really important for you to not even hear us.”

  “She’s just a friend.”

  “Just a friend? Be real, Brax, it’s us you’re talking to,” Bently said.

  “You’ve checked your phone a hundred times since we’ve been out here. Who is she?”

  Connor had always gotten right to the point. If he had a question, he asked it. There was no beating around the bush with him.

  “She’s a friend. Someone I grew up with.”

  “Does this friend have a name?” Connor asked, while Bently slowed his steps to fall in line next to his friends.

  “Allie.”

  “Why do I get the distinct feeling that she is more than a friend?” This time it was Bently, who let his blunt curiosity come through.

  “If I tell you, will you both drop it?” After getting a ‘yes’ in unison, Braxton continued. “I like her, a lot. The thing is, she doesn’t know. I can’t tell her.”

  “Why not?” Connor asked.

  Braxton halted on the trail, took in a deep breath, and let it out. This was not how he had planned this day turning out, of course he hadn’t planned on his friends knowing about Allie at all. But it was too late, and he might as well get this over with.

  “Because, if she doesn’t feel the same way, it could mean the end of our friendship. I can’t not have her in my life. Having her as a friend is better than not having her at all.”

  “I don’t know, man. I think it would be harder for me if I had to pretend not to feel something for someone; to hide my feelings. If I had to look at them every day knowing that my heart longed to be with them, I’m not sure I could handle that.”

  “Thanks, Connor. It is hard, harder than I thought it would be. But the good thing is, right now she’s in California and I’m here. I don’t have to face that every day. I thought she would see how I felt and then if she felt the same, she would tell me. I guess that’s not the way it works.”

  “Women are peculiar creatures, my friend.”

  “Putting that Philosophy class to use huh, Bently?”

  Bently punched Connor in the arm and that broke the heaviness of the conversation. The three friends changed the subject and continued to follow the path of the trail. Braxton was glad he told them. In a way, he felt a little relieved not to be shouldering this alone. They didn’t make fun of him, or laugh. Both Connor and Bently seemed to have understood that Braxton wasn’t necessarily looking for advice, so neither offered it. But what they did offer was an outlet for Brax, and that lightened the weight on his shoulders, made him feel a little freer. For the rest of the afternoon, Allie stayed in the shadow of his thoughts. They finished their hike and then went into town for a greasy hamburger to replace all the calories they had walked off.

  With the next morning came achy muscles; complaints of needing decent coffee could be heard. They decided to go have some breakfast, then they would decide if there would be more hiking, which at that point was very unlikely, or if they would find something equally entertaining to do. In the end, swimming won out over hiking. Braxton, Connor, and Bently learned that afternoon swimming amounts to hiking and they would definitely feel this weekend’s activities for a few days. By the time the three returned home, sleep was all they could think about. Braxton didn’t check his phone before climbing into bed, not bothering to even change clothes. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

  His alarm clock blared, the shrill sound caused him to jump up as if he’d been bitten by a snake. He tried to shake the rush of adrenaline to no avail. Braxton stumbled to his desk across the room to check his phone. He hadn’t heard from Allie in several days and was beginning to worry about her. There were still no messages, so he sent a quick text asking if she was okay. Taking his clothes and phone with him, he set them on the counter in the bathroom and turned the water on as hot as he could stand it. So many different thoughts filtered through his mind.

  Was she okay? Did something happen?

  Was this the beginning of the end of their relationship as he knew it?

  As he got lost in his own thoughts, his phone chirped from the counter. He shut the water off, wrapped a towel around his waist, and checked his phone. It was Allie. A sense of relief washed over him. Braxton’s finger hovered over the button that would open the message, his stomach turned with something akin to the nagging feeling you get when you know something isn’t quite right. Summoning the courage, he opened the message.

  Allie: I’m fine. Can’t talk now. Don’t text.

  Braxton stared at the screen, re-reading the words. His heart became tight, an invisible vice gripped firmly, not to hold it together, but to suffocate. This was unlike Allie. She had always been open and honest with him, never one to hold back. Now, he didn’t know what to think. He’d always seen them as the missing link that completed the other, but maybe that had been wishful thinking on his part. To say he was confused would be an understatement. Confusion would be only part of the many different feelings that coursed through him, mixing with hurt and worry. Not knowing what to do, he dried off, pulled his clothes on, and sat on the edge of his bed. His class was going to start soon and he needed to clear his head. Although, he wasn’t sure how to do that, how to tamp the emotions enough to focus on the day’s task. Straightening his spine, he knew he had no choice, but to wait Allie out.

  Live your life for you now.

  His dad’s words gave him the direction he needed to take. As he closed the door to his room, he couldn’t help, but feel as if Allie was also closing a door.

  On him.

  ∞ Chapter 4 ∞

  A little over a month had passed by. Since the day Braxton received the message not to text Allie back, he’d heard from her less than a handful of times. The Allie he knew would have never shut him out. She wouldn’t have pulled so far away from him unless something was terribly wrong. Braxton continued to focus on his classes, but he didn’t spend as much time with his friends. Becoming withdrawn, he didn’t want them to see how much this had eaten at him, even though, they probably had already figured it out. Allie was never far away from his thoughts and he was keeping her close, as close as he could. Several times he wanted to pick up the phone and call her, but he had to respect her wishes. It broke him each time he read the text. He should have deleted the message, but he couldn’t seem to. His finger had hovered over the delete button so many times. It was like a force pushing back, keeping him from pressing down.

  Like the changing of the tide, Braxton was aware that something had changed. It was still changing. He didn’t like it. He had no power to control it, no way to turn back the hands of time and pour his heart out to her in the hopes that she would have stayed. All that was left to do was wait. Patience wasn’t his thing and it definitely wasn’t something he looked forward to practicing. There was no other choice, though. He’d have to wait. He was driving himself crazy. He needed to talk to someone he could trust.

  “Connor?” Braxton called down the hall from the doorway of his room.

  “In the kitchen.”

  “Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?”

  “I didn’t do it.” Connor threw his hands up in his own defense, smile wide on his face, but it fell as quickly as it had come when he saw the serious expression on Braxto
n’s face. “What’s up, man?”

  “It’s Allie. She asked me not to text her a couple of months ago. She’s text me a few times since then, but they have all been short and withdrawn. When I ask her if everything is okay, she only says she’s fine. I’m worried about her and not sure what to do.”

  “Has she done this before?”

  “No, and this isn’t like her now. I knew things would change after she left for college, but I never expected our friendship to come to this. For her to push me away.” Braxton’s frustration and regret overwhelmed him and he slammed his palms down on the countertop. The sound echoed throughout the small room. “I should have told her how I felt before she left. Maybe things would be different now.”

  “You love her, don’t you?”

  “Is it that obvious?”

  “Like a neon sign. I don’t know what all has gone on and maybe it’s not my place to say anything, but you need to tell her.”

  “I can’t tell her. Not now, anyways. What I feared the most is happening now without her knowing, I can only imagine she’d run far and fast, if she knew I was in love with her. Whatever has her pulling away can’t be good.”

  “Then go to her. Find out for yourself, if she’s okay. We have a long weekend coming up. Bently and I can hold the fort down here while you’re gone.”

  Braxton thought it over, but only for a few minutes before he made up his mind.

  “Thanks. I’m going to go pack.”

  “Anytime.”

  Braxton opened the lid to his laptop and fired the machine up. While he waited, he dug his duffle bag out of the back of the closet and started throwing clothes inside. He went back to the computer and searched for airline tickets, a rental car, and a hotel. He considered himself lucky since there was only one flight to Los Angeles with seats available. He booked the ticket, then a rental car and hotel room. He would see Allie in just three days’ time. The usual excitement he felt when it came to Allie was hidden somewhere behind a solid wall of nervousness. This was unfamiliar territory for him and not something he liked. It made him feel awkward and uncomfortable, an eagle caught in the winds of a mighty storm hoping that when he comes out on the other side he’ll find it was all worth it.