Finding My Forever Read online

  “Pie’s done. Are you ready to go?”

  “Been waiting on you.”

  “If you’re waiting on me, you’re backing up.”

  “Keep dreaming, old man.”

  Zak lightly punched Braxton on the arm, as the two laughed all the way to the truck. The banter between the two most of the time was more like friends. But Zak had been the best parent to Braxton, he took that job very seriously. Braxton considered himself lucky to have had two fathers who both loved him unconditionally. He added one more thing to his list of things to be thankful for.

  Everyone had already arrived at Shane and Amy’s house, even Hannah had beat them there. The house was bustling with activity. A football game was on in the living room where the men were already screaming for their respective teams. Zak went into the kitchen, Braxton following behind to drop off the food before heading into the other room with the guys.

  Braxton came to a halt upon entering the room. Allie was on the other side of the breakfast table and like every time before, he was stunned by her beauty. He’d always thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world, but something about her today made her all the more so. She had a glow about her, she was smiling and she looked happy. She took his breath away, made his heartbeat faster, and his palms sweaty. She had always been the center of his world, the reason for everything he did. Seeing her like that, he didn’t care how long or how hard he had to fight, he wasn’t going to let anything come between them. It was simple, he had to have her in his life. There were no other options for him. He was the sky, but she was his sun. In his mind, one couldn’t exist without the other.

  Allie looked his direction, set the spoon she had in her hand down onto the counter, and moved to stand directly in front of him. Braxton breathed her in, the strawberry shampoo she always used was prevalent, along with scents of cinnamon, and apple spice. His arms itched to draw her to him, cocoon her in the safety of his embrace. She looked up at him with a sadness only he would recognize. It made his heart hurt for her.

  “Can we talk?”

  Braxton gave her a quick nod of his head and followed her through the French doors to the back deck. Allie leaned against the wooden railing, her eyebrows scrunched together. She seemed deep in thought. Braxton remained standing, confused about her expression. When he couldn’t stand the silence anymore, he spoke.

  “What’s wrong?”

  Allie hesitated before speaking, opening and closing her mouth a few times as if she was searching for the right words to say.

  “You met Serenity.”

  It wasn’t a question, but rather a statement.

  “I did. She came to dinner with Hannah last night.”

  “And you like her?”

  “She’s very nice and fun to talk to so yes, I like her.”

  “Good to know.”

  Allie pushed herself off of the railing and stormed into the house. Braxton was left with his mouth agape and his thoughts were more confusing than ever. He wasn’t sure what to make of her behavior. It seemed as if she was a jealous girlfriend, yet they were barely even friends these days. He walked over to the edge of the porch and looked over the dense forest beyond the edge of the backyard.

  What the heck just happened?

  He wasn’t sure at all. One minute she was pushing him with both hands away from her, the next she seemed hurt by whatever he’d done or not done. It had all become too much for Braxton to understand. Her flip flop attitude made him feel like a yo-yo. He wondered if there was ever going to be a solution, a way to fix what had been broken. One thing he knew for sure, she was broken. He just didn’t know how badly.

  The day passed by with laughter, food, and a whole lot of yelling at the football games being shown on television. Allie stayed to herself only talking when spoken to. It drove Braxton crazy that he couldn’t fix her. Even though he enjoyed the time with his family, she remained the center of his thoughts, shadowed by worry. This had to get better. The past couple of months his life had become a record spinning on the player, repeating itself over and over. He didn’t know how much longer he could hold on to his sanity with the vast amount of distance that spread out between her heart and his.

  ∞ Chapter 11 ∞

  Thanksgiving was over.

  It was time for both Braxton and Allie to go back to school. Nothing had changed in the past two days. Allie was still distant toward Braxton, and he was still confused as ever. He sat behind the wheel of his truck debating if he should even go say goodbye to her before she left. Of course, he wanted to. He wasn’t sure if she wanted him there or if she even cared one way or another. There was no way he could let her leave without a goodbye, so he started the engine and drove through the quiet, sleepy streets to Allie’s house.

  He pulled his jacket tighter around him as he stepped out of the truck. The air had turned cold for the south and he could see his breath as it came out in white puffs of smoke. This wasn’t just something he wanted to do, it was something he needed to do. If he didn’t he would surely regret it later. He was nervous but that wasn’t about to stop him. It didn’t matter. Apparently, he was glutton for punishment. He walked up to the door and knocked.

  Amy answered and invited him in. She hugged him and he could tell she’d been crying. Her eyes were puffy and rimmed with red. She pulled Braxton into a hug and he felt her shudder against him.

  “Is everything alright?”

  “Don’t mind me, it’s the normal mom not wanting her only child to leave tears. The ‘see ya laters’ are always hard, no matter how many times you have to say it.” She released her hold on him. “She’s in her room, go on in.”

  “Thanks.”

  Allie’s bedroom door was cracked and he could see her laying on the floor in an awkward position. He instantly knew something was wrong and he pushed the door open and rushed to her. Allie was lying in the fetal position sort of, vomit puddled beside her head. Fear gripped his insides as he slid his arms under her.

  “Allie?”

  She moaned and leaned into him. He picked her up and carried her into the bathroom that connected her room with the guest room. He gently set her down on the toilet, not letting go until he knew she would be able to stay upright on her own. He pressed a cold washrag to her forehead and sat down on the floor in front of her. Gently, he pushed the hair off of her face and wiped the cool rag across her cheeks. Color started to return to her pale face and she opened her eyes.

  “Thanks.”

  “Feeling better now?”

  “A little. I hate throwing up, it makes me feel so weak. I must have ate something that didn’t agree with me.”

  “Maybe you should wait another day before heading back to Cali.”

  “I’m fine. Besides, I can’t afford to miss another day.” She closed her eyes, her lips turned downward.

  Braxton briefly wondered what she meant, but decided to let the issue go. She was sick and now wasn’t the time to question her. Allie started to stand, and Braxton stood to help her up. She was a little wobbly, but quickly regained her balance. “You got it?”

  Allie whispered, “Yes,” then moved around Braxton, grabbing the towel off of the holder on the wall. Braxton swiped the towel from her hands and went to clean the mess on the floor. Allie sat on the edge of her bed watching him. Glad that she wasn’t going to argue, he quickly finished cleaning the floor then threw the towel into the hamper. Walking out of the room, he returned with a glass of ice water.

  “Thank you.”

  “What time do you have to leave?”

  He wasn’t too keen on her traveling since she wasn’t feeling well. Glancing at the clock, the time read eight fifteen.

  “I have to be at the airport in an hour.”

  Slowly she stood, picked up the shirt on top of the small pile on her bed and folded it, laying it inside her suitcase. Braxton stood next her and helped her fold her clothes. There were no words spoken, yet there was a calm peace between them. Feeling her eyes on him, he glanced
her direction, locking his eyes with hers. Braxton felt an electricity between them, but he didn’t dare say that she felt it, too. She turned and cautiously closed the small gap between them. Her arms snaked around his sides.

  Shocked, he didn’t move for a cursory moment, then glided his arms down her shoulders to her sides, wrapping her in his arms. He held her lightly, relishing in the feel of her slender body against his. It had been a long time since he felt her close like this. Allie tightened her grip on him, clutching his shirt in her fist. Pulling her closer, he felt her relax against him and for this fleeting instant, he felt his world turn upright. Every little bit she gave him, he’d take it.

  Tears fell silently down Allie’s face as she withdrew from his embrace. Gingerly, he wiped the warm liquid from her face.

  “I have to go,” she whispered.

  “I know. I miss you.”

  “I miss you, too.”

  “Promise me you won’t shut me out. If you need me, you call me.”

  “I promise I’ll call you if I have a problem that’s too big for me to handle on my own. You’ve always been there to catch me if I fall, but sometimes you have to let me stand on my own two feet and learn from the mistakes I make.”

  That was a concept he understood. It didn’t mean that he would automatically stop worrying about her, but he would try to keep that in mind when life got busy. He would not; however, stop loving her.

  “I’ll walk you out.”

  The tail lights of her rental car faded in the distance taking the whole of Braxton’s heart with it. All of the turmoil he’d been in and any that was to come was worth it to him. If he could, he’d move any mountain, swim any ocean, and walk the world a thousand times, if that’s what it would take. He felt heavy with sadness, the unknown of what was to come, made worse by the distance between not just their physical beings, but between their hearts.

  She was spreading her wings and like with all things, mistakes would be made. Choices would be the deciding factor in the outcome of their future. Together or apart, she would always be his forever. Maybe if he would have just told her how he felt, how much he loved her and wanted only her, things would be different. But that’s the problem, different how? Would he get to call her his, or would they be nothing more than a fading memory?

  Solemnly, he forced himself back to his truck. The taillights of her car had faded long ago. He still needed to get his things together for the drive back to the University of Alabama. Giving himself just a few more minutes to sulk, he started the truck and drove home. There was a lot that needed to be done and so he focused on that, trying to push Allie and the past week out of his mind. There was no sense to any of it, the hot and cold, back and forth, so he wasn’t going to try and figure it out. It only confused him more.

  His bags were packed and loaded, the time had come for him to return to school and his dream of becoming something bigger, to make his own mark on the world. Did he want to be famous? No. He wanted to build, to create, to know that he’d made someone else’s dreams come true. He wasn’t looking for credit, he’d know and that was enough. If he wanted to be Allie’s everything, he would have to start by making something of himself. Focused, determined, and ready to make that happen, he set a goal to concentrate on doing what was necessary. The rest would fall into place how it should be. He hoped that somewhere down the road he’d always be a part of her future. He was done settling, he was ready to fight, to give it all he had to win her over. It all started with him.

  “Dad?”

  “In the living room.”

  “I gotta go.” Braxton hugged Zak tight. Even at twenty years old, he knew the value of making sure those you loved knew it. He’d never be ashamed to make it known. Zak returned his hug fiercely. The two had an unbreakable bond and Anna would be proud of the men they were today.

  “Drive safe. I love you, son.”

  “I love you, too, dad. Always.”

  It never got old to Zak, hearing Braxton call him dad. He would always remember the first time, standing at Anna’s grave a year after she passed. The elation he felt then, was felt every single time Braxton said it. It had made him a better person, shown him what was important in life, gave him the perfect example to raise Brax the way Anna, and even Jacob, Braxton’s real father, would have done.

  Hugging his dad one more time, he slid the keys off of the table and turned for the door.

  “Braxton?”

  “Yeah, dad?”

  “Is everything okay with Allie?”

  Nothing seemed to slip past Zak. He squeezed his eyes shut tight. Trying very hard to compose his features, he let out a breath before turning around.

  “Honestly, I don’t know. There’s something going on, but she says she’s still trying to adjust. School is harder than she thought. She’s determined to find the bigger and better out there past Gardendale. I’m worried about her, I want to help, but she keeps pushing me away.”

  “She’s got to figure it out on her own. The best thing you can do is let her. If and when she needs you, I’m sure she’ll tell you. In the meantime, try not to worry so much, as hard as that might be.”

  “Impossible,” he whispered. “Thanks, dad. I’ll call you later.”

  “Be careful.”

  ∞ Chapter 12 ∞

  The days were short, the trees bare of their leaves, and the air was rather cold. Almost a month had passed since Thanksgiving. The Christmas holidays were now upon him and he was heading home. There had only been sparse communication from Allie, and only then it had been through text messages. He hadn’t pressed for more information than she willingly gave and was certain that is why she hadn’t shut him out like she had done previously. Every message she sent blanketed him with more and more worry. To be honest, he was pretty fed up with hearing she was fine when he knew she wasn’t. He was hoping that somehow he could break the ice, so to speak, and get her to finally confide in him. He wasn’t betting on it though.

  Braxton had focused on his studies since his return. He’d kept the promise to himself to do his best, working harder every day that passed. With or without her, he was going to be somebody that people would be proud of. His dad, his mom, and one day, hopefully Allie would be proud, too. In the big scheme of things, he wondered if it really mattered. To him, it did. He wanted to feel more than he did, he wanted to be filled with love. His cup was half full, but he wanted a cup that ran over.

  Arriving home, he rolled his suitcase along behind him. A dark green Ford Escape was parked in the driveway alongside of his dad’s pickup. He knew it belonged to Hannah. Over the many conversations with his dad the past few weeks, Zak had told him the two of them had gotten closer. He’d sounded like a teenager in love with his first girlfriend and many times, Braxton wished that he had that. He didn’t want to feel jaded, but sometimes, he did. Jealousy wasn’t a pretty shade on anyone, himself included. There was no logical reason for him to feel that way, which only fueled the anger he felt toward himself. It was selfishness at its finest and he hated it.

  The house was decorated to the nines. The tree was lit with different colors and he would bet there were at least thousands of little lights, lighting up the entire room. Some were twinkling while others were solid, bouncing off of the ornaments. Packages of all shapes and sizes covered the floor around the base. Braxton would add to the massive pile after he did some shopping.

  “Welcome home, son.”

  Zak rounded the corner and pulled Braxton into a hug, followed by Hannah. Serenity, stepped out from behind her aunt’s shadow. Her short, slender stature allowed her to completely hide herself. Not wanting to be rude, and because he truly did like her, Braxton gave her a somewhat awkward hug.

  “Merry Christmas, everyone.”

  “Merry Christmas,” they all said in unison.

  Braxton rolled his suitcase down the hall to his room, he’d unpack it all later. The others were waiting for him. Dinner at the local steakhouse sounded amazing. His taste buds watere
d for a thick, juicy steak. He seriously needed to consider buying some pots and pans so he could make himself real food for the remainder of his college years. He’d had enough pot pies and Hot Pockets to last him a lifetime.

  Braxton was still full from his T-bone steak and a side of rice. His bed called his name and he stretched out across it. With his pillow under his head, arm resting over his eyes, visions of Allie danced behind his closed eyelids. He wondered what she was doing, if she was planning on coming home. She hadn’t said one way or the other. Surely she wouldn’t miss Christmas with her family. He thought about Serenity and how easy she was to talk to. Dinner had been really nice. Laid back, everyone was happy and laughing. For that hour or so, Braxton didn’t feel anything but peace and happiness. It had been a nice reprieve to what had become his every day normal. In retrospect, Serenity had been more open with him than Allie had the past few months, and yet she was almost a stranger. This seemed to confirm what he feared the most.

  In another time, Serenity would have been someone he could have seen himself with. Beautiful, smart, funny-- she carried all of those qualities and more, but there was one she didn’t carry, she wasn’t Allie. He’d never looked beyond Allie, never really paid close enough attention to anyone other than her. This was all new for him, yet still the same. He saw Serenity, he would even go as far as saying he was attracted to her, but none of it mattered. It couldn’t.

  His eyes, even though closed, grew heavy. He was too tired to turn the right way on the bed and he pulled the end of the comforter over himself. Sleep would evade him, then claim him, leaving him tossing and turning until the sun came over the horizon.

  It was Christmas morning. Braxton had been home a week and still no word from Allie. Shane and Amy, Allie’s parents, were coming over this morning for their ritual pancake breakfast. Gifts would be exchanged afterwards, followed by their traditional Christmas dinner. Hearing a knock at the door, he kicked the blanket off, and jumped up. Disappointment filled him when Zak closed the door behind Shane. No Allie.