Finding My Forever Read online

  Sitting beneath the tree they played under as kids, Braxton was taken back to a time when there were no secrets between them. They spent the next hour in silence, neither of them willing to break the peace that had surrounded them. When he felt Allie shiver beside him, he knew the moment was over. She needed to get out of the cold night air.

  “Let’s get you inside.”

  Allie nodded then took Braxton’s outstretched hand and he helped her to stand. As much as he wanted to hold on, he let her hand go, dropping his to his side.

  Give her space, he reminded himself.

  Allie yawned as they entered the kitchen.

  “I think I am going to go to bed. Thanks for sitting with me.”

  “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

  “I have to run some errands, but if I’m back early enough, I’ll call you.”

  “Goodnight, Allie.”

  “Night, Brax.”

  Later that night in the quiet of his room, Braxton lay across his bed. He needed to change clothes but hadn’t unpacked, his bags were still on the bed where he left them earlier in the day. His mind drifted to her and the feel of her in his arms. He didn’t want to think past that little slice of heaven, or to what it meant or didn’t mean. It wasn’t long after, he fell asleep feeling lighter and a little happier than he had in quite some time now. As life works though, morning would come and with it, it would bring a new day. He could only pray that things didn’t go back to the way they were before.

  The sun shone brightly through the curtains, lighting up his room. He could feel the warmth of the sun hitting his skin, even though the temperatures outside were cool. Opening his eyes, he stretched, his leg hitting something hard. His suitcase still sat on the bed. He sat up, almost knocking it off the bed, catching it just before it dumped the contents in the floor. He put away his clothes and shoved the suitcase into the closet, then stood under the flow of a hot shower. After drying off, he dressed and went to find his dad.

  Zak was sitting at the kitchen table, cup of coffee in hand. “Morning, Son.”

  “Morning, Dad.”

  “There’s coffee made and a biscuit for you on the counter.”

  “Thanks.”

  Braxton poured him a cup of liquid sanity and snagged the biscuit off the counter. He sat across from his dad at the table. Zak had asked him what he thought about Hannah. Braxton knew he was seeking approval, even if didn’t need it.

  “I think she’s great. Happy looks good on you.”

  “I am happy. She makes me happy.”

  “It’s about time.” Braxton gave his dad a wide grin. “Dad, it’s been a long time since Mom passed. You deserve to be happy and to find love. After all this time, I wasn’t sure if you just weren’t looking or maybe you were but held back because of me. Then again, I’ve always wondered if maybe mom just felt bad for you and took you in like a lost puppy and now you’ve just been waiting for someone else to throw you a bone.” Braxton tried his best not to laugh, but Zak’s laughter along with the piece of biscuit that bounced off his head was no match.

  Picking on each other had become a favorite past time for them. It kept them laughing in some of the darkest times of their lives, always reminding them there was more life to live, more goals to accomplish, a destiny to fulfill.

  A cool wind was blowing kicking up the dirt, dark clouds floated along the horizon with the approaching storms. They mimicked the same storm brewing inside of Braxton once again. There had been no word from Allie. He wasn’t sure if she was still running errands or just avoiding him. He hated that even crossed his mind, but with the way things have been as of late, one couldn’t expect anything less. As much as he wanted to believe that they had made some headway last night, his gut was holding a pit of doubt. No amount of reassurance to himself could erase it. He stood from the porch step he’d been sitting on for the last hour and searched the sky for some kind of sign. When none could be found, he went into the house, no longer wanting to wallow in the feeling of dread. Just as he made it to the door of his room, his phone chirped at him, notifying him of a text. He glanced at his phone and his heart kick started back to life.

  Allie.

  Hey, just got home. I’ll call you tomorrow.

  Still looking at the words Allie sent to him, he walked into his room, tripped over his cowboy boots he’d taken off earlier and landed face first on the floor. The thud sounded throughout the house.

  “What happened?”

  “Kinda gave the floor a hug.”

  Zak’s laughter rang out in the room, he brought his hand to his mouth in an attempt to stifle it, if not hide it all together. Braxton’s dopey grin didn’t help matters and sent Zak into a full belly laugh. Braxton rolled over onto his side and managed to sit up.

  “Glad you’re okay, but you may want to stay far away from the eggnog and cider come Thursday.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  “Goodnight, son.”

  “Night, Dad.”

  Braxton changed his clothes and crawled under the covers of his bed. Tapping out a message on his phone, he replied to Allie letting her know he was looking forward to her call. He wanted to get his hopes up, but he knew that wasn’t a smart move on his part. Sometimes you just can’t help it and you have to take a chance. This was one chance he wanted to take. If he could get their relationship back to what it was, best friends, then he’d be happy for now. One thing was for sure, he wasn’t happy without her in his life in some form or fashion. He needed her like a fish needed water. If this is what it would take, giving her the space she needed, then that is what he would do, keeping her as close as he could without holding on too tightly. He would fight for at least that much. One day, maybe he could fight for more.

  ∞ Chapter 9 ∞

  Allie had called Braxton early and they were now on their way to the south side of town for breakfast. Pancakes and sausage had always been a favorite of theirs ever since they were little. Braxton’s mom would make them for him and as he got older, she’d regale him with stories of how he always seemed to make a mess, usually wearing more syrup than his pancakes. There wasn’t a day that went by where he didn’t miss her, holidays especially. He’d learned over the years that even though she was no longer with him, her spirit would always be alive and watching over him, and in a sense, it made the days easier.

  They ordered their breakfast and watched out the window as the sun rose higher in the sky. Allie was the first to break the silence.

  “How’s school been going?”

  Braxton knew she was making easy conversation, he also knew there was something on her mind. But of course, hadn’t there been the whole time? She’d been keeping a secret, he was well aware of that, one he wished she would share with him.

  “It’s good. Some of the classes are harder than I thought, but all in all, I like it. Bet you never thought you’d hear me say that, huh?”

  “As many times as I had to practically drag you to your next class, nope, I never thought I’d see the day you’d willing go and like it.”

  Her smile was brilliant, the first real smile he’d seen on her since before they left for college all those months ago. He committed it to his memory, the light in her eyes that momentarily had returned, the pink of her cheeks that appeared every time she laughed, and the dimple that he secretly loved. This was his Allie.

  “You said school was overwhelming you, anything I can help with?”

  He was hoping that by offering help, she’d open up even more, maybe tell him what was really going on with her.

  “California is so different from here. Small town living is so simple and easy. People here are nice and will talk your ear off without even being formally introduced. People still wave when you pass them on the street. Out there, everyone is always in a rush and so there’s no time to stop and talk, and if you try, they look at you as if you’re from another planet. I guess I’m just having a hard time finding my place in a big city. I’ll eventually adjust, I thin
k. There’s not much anyone can do. I have to make my own way, ya know?”

  “I know, but if there was something I could to do make it easier for you, I’d do it.”

  “I don’t doubt that for a second. I’m sorry if it seemed that I shut you out. It’s just that I have so much going on and I can’t afford any outside distractions.”

  That one hurt. She viewed him as a distraction and with that one sentence, she managed to once again put another stab into his heart. He kept his face measured as much as possible. He didn’t have an answer, no words that he could say that wouldn’t give away his feelings, so he remained quiet. Their breakfast came but Braxton was no longer hungry. He picked at his food, moving it around on his plate. He glanced up at her and saw something in her eyes he hadn’t seen before, something he could only describe as deceit. But why would she lie to him? Why would she make excuses for why she shut him out? He had more questions than he had answers to and that didn’t sit well with him. His mother’s words chose that moment to run through his mind.

  Forgive before being asked...Allie, she’s your best friend, protect her always.

  He knew he had forgiven her already for whatever she was keeping from him. He would protect her, even if that meant doing it at arm’s length, but would he be able to protect her from herself?

  He dropped Allie off after breakfast, she wasn’t feeling well and said she needed to lie down for a while. Braxton was worried about her but didn’t question her. If he was going to follow his mom’s advice, and the advice his dad and friends had been giving him, he would have to let her be.

  Not wanting to go home just yet, he drove aimlessly around town heading in no particular direction. He didn’t really pay attention to where he was going and he didn’t care where he wound up. It was hard to get lost in a place like Gardendale. It wasn’t; however, hard to get lost in his own head. He wondered why Allie was acting this way, one minute seemingly fine and the next it was as if they were almost strangers. What bothered him the most was the fact that he had no idea what would salvage their friendship, never mind the fact that he was head over heels for her. How do you solve a problem when you don’t even know what the problem is? That was the million dollar question, one he’d been asking himself for months.

  Arriving back home, the sun had just fallen behind the trees. The horizon was aglow with golden and red hues, fluffy clouds floated slowly across the sky. His stomach rolled with hunger. He needed food and hoped that his dad had cooked tonight. Braxton was getting a little tired of microwave food, something he lived on back at his dorm.

  The smell of garlic and lemon pepper hit his senses with a fierceness as soon as he opened the front door. Zak was pulling a flat sheet filled with baked potatoes from the oven. Braxton looked around but didn’t see anyone else and wondered just who his dad was planning on feeding. There was a big bowl of macaroni and cheese, a plate of rolls, and a platter piled high with what he could only assume were lemon pepper pork chops, considering the heavy smell. His mouth watered at the sight. Zak turned to place the potatoes on the counter of the kitchen island.

  “Hey, just in time for dinner.”

  “You’re feeding an army?”

  “Very funny, but no. Hannah should be here soon and she’s bringing her niece, Serenity, with her.”

  Just as he opened his mouth to ask what time they were coming over, a knock sounded at the door.

  “I’ll get it.”

  Braxton opened the door and tripped over his words. Standing next to Hannah was a slightly shorter version of her, almost identical. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but this definitely was not it. His eyes locked on the beauty before him. Her crystal blue eyes were radiant as she returned his stare. She smiled shyly then cast her eyes downward. Before making an even bigger fool of himself, he welcomed them in. He noticed the way her long brown hair swayed as she walked, almost hypnotizing. It was the first time he’d looked at someone other than Allie. She’d been his entire world for so long that everyone else tended to fade away. But now, here in this moment, he was seeing the world with fresh eyes.

  The four enjoyed a nice dinner, chatting about Thanksgiving, different traditions and such, as well as school for both Braxton and Serenity. She was attending his rival school, Auburn University. That kept them entertained as each of them threw insults back and forth, their laughter filled the room. This felt like family, something he didn’t realize he missed until now. At ten years old, you don’t think about things like that, but now at twenty, he knows what he missed out on, and just how much Zak sacrificed by taking care of him.

  A pang of guilt struck him deep in his gut as Allie crossed his mind. He’d not thought about her once throughout the evening. Excusing himself from the room and saying goodnight, he trudged to his room and shut the door behind him. He undressed and started the shower. As much as he enjoyed Serenity’s company, he knew his heart would never be available to anyone but Allie. Sometimes your heart gives itself away long before you even know that’s possible.

  Braxton dried off, threw the towel in the floor and slipped his sleep pants on. He picked up his jeans and dug his phone out of the front pocket. He hit the button to light the screen and saw a missed text from Allie. More guilt washed over him. He wasn’t exactly sure why he felt guilt, he’d done nothing wrong, and besides, Allie had made it very clear to him they were friends, sometimes. That’s the way it felt anyway. Maybe that was part of the problem, he’d always taken for granted she’d always be there. More than anyone else, he should have known better. He swiped the screen, opening her text.

  Feeling better. Sorry I ruined the day, see you tomorrow.

  Tomorrow was Thanksgiving Day. He’d see her tomorrow.

  ∞ Chapter 10 ∞

  Leaves blew across the lawn in the brisk morning wind. Braxton sat on the hard ground, head bowed, eyes closed. He could picture her standing at the stove, flipping pancakes in the pan, her beautiful smile gracing her face. It’d been a while since he’d been here. He lifted his head and stared at her name engraved in the stone.

  Anna Caulder Green, Loving Wife, Mother, and Friend.

  He wiped away the tear that rolled down his face.

  “Mom, I wish you were here. I know I’m not a little boy anymore, but sometimes I still feel as lost as ever. I need you. I need your guidance, your advice now more than ever. You told me to protect Allie, and I’m trying. I’m trying so dang hard and all I seem to do is fail. I don’t know how to protect her, I don’t know what she’s hiding or what she needs. What can I do differently? I’m stuck, my life is constantly repeating itself lately. I want to be the one she looks to for help. Be that one person she trust more than any other. I want to be her everything and it hurts that I’m not. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m sorry if I’ve let you down. I miss you more than you could imagine. I love you, Momma.” He stood, breathed in the cool air and let it out. “Happy Thanksgiving.”

  The heat was on high in his truck. It had turned much cooler with the approaching cold front. The clouds were a darker grey and it seemed as if it could snow at any minute. It’s the south, though, and so Braxton wasn’t holding his breath for that to happen. He still felt a heaviness in his heart. On a day when you’re supposed to be thankful, he only felt heartache. Try as he might, he just couldn’t seem to snap out of it. This feeling was getting old and something needed to give soon before it completely desolated him. He wanted to see Allie, but he worried that sooner or later, she would cut him out of her life for good. Everything he ever wanted could be gone, lost forever. All the help in the world, all of the comfort he could offer, would never be enough if she didn’t want it.

  He was almost back to his house and he knew he didn’t want this day to be out of sorts, so he vowed right then and there to look for the good, and be thankful for being with family, be thankful that he still had some kind of friendship with Allie. There was always a chance the answer would show itself, that he’d know what to do when the time was r
ight. He smiled, he thought of his mom and how those sounded so much like her words. She had said that she would always be with him, always watch over him, and it seems that she was keeping true to her word.

  Zak was already dressed and in the kitchen making an apple pie, something Anna had taught him all those years ago. He had made one at Thanksgiving every year since she had died. It was his way of honoring her, keeping her close to his heart. He always made sure the top crust was in the shape of a heart, as he had done for her their first Thanksgiving together. Braxton smiled when saw the dough strips laid out neatly on the counter.

  “Hey, Dad. Need any help?”

  “I can always use some help.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m not sure I have the kind of help you need.” Braxton laughed and Zak joined in. “What can I do?”

  “You can peel the potatoes. I’m glad I don’t have to cook an entire meal, sometimes I wonder how women can do all this stuff at once.”

  “I don’t think I’d try to figure that one out.”

  The apple pie was in the oven and making the house smell wonderful. Braxton had finished the potato salad, and they were just waiting on the pie to be done so they could head on over to Shane and Amy’s house. Hannah would be there and Braxton wondered if she would be bringing Serenity. Things were already awkward enough between he and Allie, it would probably cause him a lot of unnecessary anguish.